the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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