I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
