I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
