i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
