the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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