she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
