we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
