I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I puked a lego.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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