I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Come share oat with me in your robe
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
