What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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