this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
pray to the hookup gods
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i believe in u and ur pee
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
