Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
