i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
