What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
