jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
