I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
