I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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