Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
