he wants to bone in the snuggie
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
