i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
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I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
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hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.