matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.