You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...