Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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