I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
