no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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