Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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