The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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