I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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