last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
