I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
