i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
All I want is dick and wine.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
