Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
