He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
