So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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