i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
ok first of all what the fuck
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
