So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
