White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
