the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
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