It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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