Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
