Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
