she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
