either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
