He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
