Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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