Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
