If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize