I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
