My hand turned me down
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize