i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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