i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
