I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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