Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
