I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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