Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize