i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
