Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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