he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
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She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
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I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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